painsthee's Xanga

Who'dve ever thunk it?

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:32:24 GMT

Here are my parents just after their wedding in 1977:

They got hitched at the courthouse and had a reception at mom's aunt's house for close friends.

Saturday, Zeb and I get hitched.
I really never thought I would marry.
But here I am. Life brings the unexpected.

What fresh hell is this?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:37:32 GMT

Oh, hai.

Still here. Still crazed.

Zeb and I are at the official point where we keep turning to each other and asking, 'Is this damn wedding over yet?'

I am behind in my classwork. I am swamped with work work.

But, underneath it all, I am happy, and I suppose that's what matters.

I *am* tired of people asking about wedding crap. It's not that I mind, it's just that it seems to be all anyone cares about. I am way more interested in Isabella Whitney and the place of her voice in creating a female literary tradition in Early Modern England. That's way more interesting to me than how I plan to wear my hair, you know?

But, in case anyone wonders, here are ten random wedding facts, and then we can dispense with all this nonsense, ok?
1. I am wearing white chuck taylors under the dress.
2. I have no idea how I am wearing my hair. It will probably involve hot rollers.
3. No, I don't want to borrow your pearls.
4. I am changing out of the dress after dinner so that I can actually boogie down and not fall over myself all night.
5. We aren't going on a honeymoon right away, and have no official plans for it yet.
6. Our friend Ryan--who introduced us--is performing the ceremony. No, he;s not a minister, he's a chef.
7. No, I'm not excited about the wedding. I am excited about the marriage. The wedding is just kind of a pain. I like the party part, if people would stop trying to make it such a big fucking deal.
8. People who neglect to RSVP--particularly when I have included a SASE in the invite--can all suck my (metaphorical) balls. And furthermore, they can stand, because I'm not renting them a chair.
9. No cake. Cupcakes. Deal.
10. Yes, we have considered what to do if it rains. Considering that's what it does 59% of the time in TN in the fall, we did amazingly think to consider it, thanks.
Bonus: Stop asking about future plans for my uterus, goddammit.

I sound very crotchety, and I know people are just excited for us, but I sort of wish some of that excitement could rub off on me, you know? Plus I am not a squealing kind of gal in general, so I can't really get it up for favors and china and a half dozen bridesmaids. I picked what I like, you get what you get. Come or don't.

See, there's the crotchety again.
Sigh.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:35:16 GMT

Work is insane.
And the semester is driving over me, putting it in reverse, and backing over me.
I had to ask for an extension for a paper on Isabella Whitney and the humility topos.
And Zeb is trying to move in between out of town trips for work.
And the wedding is in like three weeks.
And now I've managed to contract some nasty sickness that made me feel like I was going to pass out in class tonight while trying to say something interesting about Greenblatt's assertion that Hamlet is bound up in anxieties about the Eucharist.

In truth, I am only blogging so you know a) I'm not dead, and b) because I need to do something before the heroic dose of off-brand nighttime cold medicine (read: Fake NyQuil) kicks in and sends me off into blissful unconsciousness wherein I do not have to be cognizant of how much my throat hurts.

I know, I am just a lump of sunshine tonight, huh?

Here's the wedding dress, as requested:

I cut off the train. And will try to smile sincerely at the actual wedding. But now I do know that I am allergic to David's Bridal. It was a seriously hive-inducing experience. When I walked in I had to fill out a form--in triplicate--with all my info before I could even look at the dresses. And they assigned me a "personal sales assistant". When she asked what I wanted I went into full out defense mode. "No sequins! No tulle! No rhinestones! No crystals! Nothing strapless! Nothing frou frou! And cheap!"
I like the dress okay, I guess, and honestly it's a fucking relief not to worry about making one. But it's just a dress. And all I really care about is that Zeb and I are getting married. All the rest is just window dressing.

Yes, it turns out I am the antibride.

We did get our marriage certificate today though. So it's almost official. Ish. Our friend Ryan is marrying us, which is awesome. (Yay, online ordination!)

Oh, and while sitting waiting for our turn at the county clerk's office this morning, I was musing about how unfair it is that same-sex couples can't get married.
a) Everyone should share the misery! (ha, ha. I kid.)
b) If the state grants licenses, then marriage is a state-controlled act.
c) If it is state controlled, then it should be fully separate from religion.
d) There are no secular arguments for why gays shouldn't be allowed to marry, only religious arguments.
e) Hey, guess what, there really is no such thing as separation of church and state in this country and to pretend otherwise is a delusional fiction.
f) And it pisses me off.

Hey, there's the blissful knock of nyquil upon my inner door. Excuse me while I answer it, and then dance the tango with it.

The secret to his success:

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:33:03 GMT

True love is coming home from class at 10:30 pm to find that your boyfriend-soon-to-be-husband has assembled your huge-ass Ikea shelves and moved it into your study so you can put all your 87,254 book on it.

Bookshelves. Bookshelves are undoubtedly the way to my heart.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:54:53 GMT

Dress issue resolved--I bought one (a different one), and my maid of honor/ only bridal party member will wear the awesome lovebird dress.

In other news, I think I would really benefit from some sort of time management course or book, but I don't have the time to do it.

Wherein I use sentences to convey my state of mind.

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 03:58:41 GMT

I am currently in Greenville, SC with Zeb's family.
Tomorrow his mom is throwing us a wedding shower.
I am not really good at social situations in which I feel like I am being judged, so I expect tomorrow night to be hard.
But in the morning operation: wedding dress is on.
Which is stressful, too.
I was going to make one, with his mom's help.
But I can't find a pattern I love.
Then I bought one.
This one:

But it doesn't fit.
I knew it would be close, but it doesn't come in extra large.
I ordered it anyway, hoping.
But since there is no stretch to the fabric and it has no zipper, it won't fit.
I could quit eating until the wedding, but that seems impractical.
So my hope is that we can reconstruct it into something I love.
I mean, look!

How cute is that?
It's the first thing I've been in love with yet.
I just hate most wedding dresses.
Plus I like that this is 'wheat' rather than white. Reminds me of that Mae West quote, 'I used to be snow white, but I drifted.'

His mom and sister are angelic to help me with all this.
But I worry I am being too picky, too reticent. It all feels like it's getting to be such a hassle.
And I am not excited enough, I feel it. Everyone wants me to be that squealing bride person, but whoever that is, it's not someone I have inside me.

I really just wanted to not stress about this.
And now I am.
And frankly, with all the schoolwork I feel insanely behind on, I have enough to stress about already.

But at least venting helps.

God Mother Fucking Dammit.

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 23:02:41 GMT

See, I know it's just karma at work, and really I deserve it, but suddenly my laptop can't connect to my fucking airport network. Which would make sense except Zeb's computer--the same as mine in every way except he still runs 10.5 and I "upgraded" to 10.6--WILL connect. (Please note sarcastic quote marks.) The internet works. My laptop just won't be convinced of it.

And of course I have a fucking assload of homework that of course I put off to the very last minute and I need the internet for.

I'm a fucking idiot.

At the very least--and after much finagling and several restarts, cussings, and one angry slapping of the cable modem--got my computer convinced that the internet at least exists inside the ethernet cable, but I am now tethered to within 4' of the wall in order to get it to work.

Yes, I SHOULD be doing my homework right now but it was more therapeutic to bitch about this first.

By the way, all you mac users, 10.6 has done nothing but give me a headache. I would recommend you skip it.

Snow fucking leopard my ass. More like retarded roofied leopard, at best.

a glass half full kind of morning

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:57:50 GMT

Blaring the Cure (Staring at the Sea) in the office when you are alone before your coworkers arrive makes for a good morning.

Plus, I drive through a school zone on my way to work every day, and the crossing guard is the sweetest little old lady, always eager with a wave and a big smile, and it always warms my heart.

And today was one of the mornings where during my morning "commute" I had to stop to let ducks cross the road. See, I drive through Shelby Park beside the pond to work every day, and occasionally I have to stop to let geese or ducks cross the road.

That's the kind of gridlock that makes me smile.

So, you might say my day is off to a good start. It's fall, the sun is shining, and I love my life.

Insert happy smile here.

I swear this isn't going to turn into a wedding blog.

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 04:15:29 GMT

Printed. Whew.
Dude, this wedding shit is a lot of details.

And I keep thinking about first dance songs, because I am a music nerd, of course, but everything I consider because I love and adore the song is wildly inappropriate. For example:

Tori Amos, "Crucify" or "Father Lucifer"

Joe Firstman, "Saving All the Love", which sounds like a contender until you realize the lyrics are:
'Cause I'm saving all the love
That I'm supposed to give to Jesus
So that I can give it all to you
And the Lord's gonna be jealous
But he ain't never seen you let your hair down
And when we're dancing to the altar
The preacher won't believe us
Your mother fucking hates me
And the Lord will deceive us

Or Nina Simone's "Ne Me Quitte Pas", which is a plea for a lover not to leave in French. Similar themes with the very achingly lovely "Complainte de la Butte" by Rufus Wainwright:

Or "Green Gloves" by the National:
Falling out of touch with all my
friends are somewhere getting wasted,
hope they're staying glued together,
I have arms for them.

Ryan Adams's "Sylvia Plath" should probably be disqualified. Any song saying he wants a woman like the woman who stuck her head in the oven is likely not wedding fare.

I really love "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine, but it was used in the movie Twilight which sort of ruins its use lest I be teased forever--justifiably so, I add--regarding the use of a twee soundtrack song in my wedding. It would be perfect though, but for that:

So, thus far Peaches is still in the lead. "Check out my Chrissie behind it's fine", indeed.

Oh, and hey, did you know you get what you pay for with photographers? The ones I can afford look like the ebay listing photos. So, how to be IN my wedding and take my own pictures of my wedding... hmm, a dilemma.

In other news, I had a good meeting with my professor today about what to research that would be of use when I got to write my thesis on an as-yet-undetermined topic. So, that's good.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 01:27:40 GMT

Well then. The Zebbington and I have set a date. November 14th. Holy crapoly.

Hey, how would this work for a first dance?

In other news, the Wife of Bath is funny, but I'm not sure how I will get through this whole book of criticism about it in a mere three days.

I bet grad school is easier when you don't work full time.